Between January and the end of March, if you ask me what I've been up to, you'll most likely hear me say "work." Sorry, it's a lame response to your question, but it's kind of the truth. I don't mind the long hours at first, but it does start to interfere with my balance in life, or at least I have let it.
My personality is one to compartmentalize. If I'm at work, I'm at work. When I'm at church, I'm at church. When I'm singing in my car, I wouldn't drive around me, cause that's all I'm thinking about--not you. :) So, because I find myself so prone to segregate these different parts of my life (which it's probably good that I'm not singing while I'm at work. ha) I've started to realize its effect. Whenever I'm at work, the environment, the atmosphere, the tensions, the stress, all eventually begin to take their toll. Mind you, I have awesome coworkers who "keep things real." I really like the people I work with. They make the long hours very bearable. Normal work season hasn't been such a problem, because I can come home, unwind, etc. So, during "the busy season" I don't get this time to come home, to shed the stress, to refocus myself on my spiritual inclinations and "remember," so to speak, of my purpose in life, center myself. Sounds a bit (yoga-ish) So, when I'm getting off at 9:30 or 10:00 at night, I'm barely getting food in my system, brushing my teeth, and reading some scriptures for 5 to 10 minutes before I zonk. And I kind of resigned myself to this time as being a bit of a soul/balance killer. Why am I okay with that compromise? 3 out of 12 months isn't bad, right? It's for my future . . . yeah. What's wrong with really focusing on a career at this point in my life when I don't necessarily have a family that I'd be neglecting so much? Some of these thoughts and others have helped me cope with this time of year. I'm out of balance, but it's okay. . . really?
Then, recently I start to reassess. What is it that I really need in life? What do I want to achieve. When it comes down it, I want happiness, joy. I want to be able to consistently be that way, to exude that, and to help others achieve that as well, if that is their goal. So, if I'm working such long hours, when do I fill my cup? How can I take control? Am I just doomed to be slowly devoured by this thing called "the busy season?" How can I maintain the the influence of the Holy Ghost - that member of the Godhead who reminds me who I am, why I am here, who helps me to reach out to others and think about their needs, who reminds me to share my happiness with others, who points out to me that others might be struggling or have hidden sorrows or concerns that maybe I could at least be a support to. As I pondered this question, I feel like the Lord tried to give me an answer, and this blog is an attempt and verbalizing it and hopefully expanding it a bit more. If I can just remember Why in all that I'm doing. Why am I working? Why do I do this every day? Why am I performing these tasks? What is the short-, medium-, and long-term point of it? To finish the task, to finish a quality audit, to secure current and future income, to serve as a foundation to my career that I can use to support a future family, etc. I realized that if I could just remember to ask myself Why in all that I'm doing and understand the eternal nature of the task, how could I not have a smile on my face while doing it? "Bugging the client about this workpaper again is help me to build my future family." ha. Seems kind of corny right? But is there not some logic and truth behind it?
Or how about when I go to lunch with my co-workers? When I'm there, what would be my answer to "Why?" Or how about when I'm in the midst of some mundane errands? What's the point of going and depositing this check? Where's the joy in shopping for groceries? Why am I reading my scriptures? Why am I kneeling by my bedside getting ready to open my mouth to someone whom I can't see?
I believe that this life is short. I believe that we are here with very specific purposes--innumerable. I believe that I have not achieved some of my specific purposes in life . . . that I've let them pass by. I believe that we are all a part of a plan -- which is lifting each other up, up to God. That is to say, lifting us up to our true potential. I know I'm here to become like my Father. I want so much to be like Him, and I know He wants the same. Because I know my true identity, I need to put myself in a position to be able to help others understand the same. You, she, he, we are all children of heavenly parentage with infinite potential.
So, enough of this busy season excuse that consumes and distracts me from my purpose. It is a part of my purpose and doesn't have to rob me of my joy in life. I am the captain of my soul, not busy season. ha.
